Dear Diary:
I don’t know where to start. 2021 was a year that challenged me and made me face many of my fears.
One of them was going back to my routine and resuming the activities I was forced to stop due to the quarantine.
And the thing is that not only did I pause my routine when the quarantine began, I was also forced to postpone one of my biggest dreams: the dream of being a mother.
I looked for a baby for many years, and when I finally decided to seek help and start treatment, the universe told me: you must wait.
I didn’t understand why life insisted on putting “obstacles” to my dream of having a child.
I cried, screamed, I was angry, and I even blamed myself, but as days passed and with a bit of professional support, I finally understood that everything comes at a time and that perhaps those days of anguish would leave me new knowledge for my future.
2020 was a year of uncertainty, we didn’t know what would happen, but 2021 brought new beginnings. I was afraid to go out again, to go to work and to socialize, but my heart told me IT’S TIME TO RETURN!
The first step was to return to work, then to the occasional family reunion, and little by little, I was returning to my “normal” life. Still, something was missing, something that I knew I had to do, but all those fears and uncertainties still accompanied my mind: I had to go back to INSER and fight for my dream.
I’m already 39 years old, I reached that age during quarantine, and I know what that means for fertility. If I was afraid to consult a year and a half ago, what I felt now was irrational, I knew that things could have worsened, but I had to be sure and consult it.
In March 2021, I decided to return. I returned with my heart in my hand because my desire has always been to be a mother, but deep down, I knew that something bad could happen.
Above all prognosis that I thought I had, things were fine, and just like my everyday life, I could finally start my fertility process again, but what should I do? Was it wise to look for a baby in the middle of a pandemic that still had no end?
The answer was always in my heart, and it was always YES! Without a doubt in my heart, I said to myself that the moment to do it was now and that I couldn’t keep postponing my dream and let more years go by
Today, after 6 months of treatment and an unsuccessful transfer, I’m more motivated than ever. I know that if 2021 was the year that gave me the chance to start over, 2022 would be the year of opportunities.
I don’t deny that I still feel fear, that this NEW REALITY makes me feel weird, but I know that it is time to continue and that life will soon return to be painted with the usual colors.
That’s why, with my eyes closed and with a lit candle, this December 24 and 31, I will ask heaven to give me the opportunity to be a mother and to return to a world with many lessons where we can cuddle together and be happy.
THANK YOU, 2021! FOR ALLOWING US TO RETURN TO OUR DREAMS, HOPES, AND FAITH
